After some months of initial highs and lofty realizations, a new yoga student reported some lows. "I've been feeling so good for a while, so clear, peaceful. This week I'm feeling some angst. I feel a little chaotic, cloudy."
Of course. Pendulums swing. Seasons change.
Here was the doorway for one the most exciting teachings…
"Newbie spiritual practitioners are often gifted with fresh experiences of peace and bliss. What a gift! However, you may be surprised when so-called 'negative' states return, even mistakenly judge them as a sign of regression. There are always fluctuations in nature...
Dark is not just the other side of light, it is an intrinsic part of light. Suffering arises when we grasp onto the 'spiritual highs,’ and mistakenly believe that we now ‘own’ this new state of bliss. This is painful as we cannot grasp onto anything, for it is always futile. Without this realization, any change tends to feel like shattering glass instead of a graceful breeze.
We must apply the teachings, even toward our shifting states of being. Let go. Offer.
I know, I know... This is all easier said than done, but who said 'easy' was a part of this deal?
Remember, we do not practice ‘to feel good.’ We practice for the sake of devotion and liberation for all beings. ‘Feeling good’ is simply an unpredictable side-effect.
Here is the tantric approach:
Thank you Goddess even for this angst, chaos, confusion.
These ‘negative’ states are all perfect elements, doorways, opportunities, and reflections within your personal drama of awakening.
Make love to the angst. Taste its fiery nature and raw power.
Explore the chaos. Taste its wild, erratic essence.
Savor the cloudy cobwebs of confusion. Taste its density and weight.
Paint your anger. Dance your chaos. Let your confusion speak through your poems.
You will turn your pain into pearls.
Delve into your darkest caverns through meditation and caress them with your breath.
You will fully exhaust a state of being only when you allow your awareness to fully devour it.
Spring will come again only after you completely fall in love with winter, but you cannot rush this organic process.
Yet, fully experiencing a state is NOT the same as simply being reactive or habitual. Fully experiencing can be accomplished in total stillness if needed. You don’t need to throw a chair or pull out your hair, so to speak. In fact, then next step in this organic process is responding rather than reacting, with discernment and compassion, from our true heart.
All emotions and mind-states are a gift. There are no ‘negative’ states. ‘Negative’ is a concept, not a reality. Don’t be brainwashed by the Hallmark card version of life.
As the sutras sing, the Goddess wants to know and relish every state of consciousness through us. Offer your experience into the fire ceremony within your own consciousness."
This ambitious student digested the teachings with zeal. During our next lesson, he shared that he had revolutionized his relationship to his inner storms, and was savoring the ever-shifting dance of all states of being with more grace and fluidity.
~ Bast
